LampPost
NEW YORK: The Big Mush (BM) has left the Big Apple but has left
behind many stories, and many more story tellers, who are enjoying
the spirited evenings narrating how they made a fool of whom in
the official delegation, including the top boss.
One
such story is of Bihari Kababs loved by the BM delegation and BM
himself. One Pakistani doctor, a sharp cookie who has become so
entrenched in the military set up he now dreams of controlling all
the billions which may come from abroad. This doctor gave the US
Security some sleepless nights as he promised that he would provide
the BM delegation a stream of Bihari Kababs cooked by his better
half at home. Cooked at home was acceptable and security cleared
but LampPost soon learnt, as did the US Security, that these Kebabs
were not coming from home, but from an Indian restaurant in Lexington,
NY.
It
became a serious threat as BM was not allowed anything cooked in
any restaurant and let alone any Indian restaurant. And for cooking,
LampPost had disclosed last week that not one, not two but three
chefs had traveled to New York with BM for his cooking and exotic
tastes. So why get Bihari Kebabs from an Indian outlet. Poor BM,
how people can make him look like a dumb guy, but he trusts his
supporters blindly. These are the people who wanted the same favours
from all rulers, Benazir, Nawaz Sharif, Zia ul Haq or Zardari. They
don’t care as long as someone in Pakistan can send a limousine
to pick them up at the Islamabad Airport.
The
Kebabs did not, fortunately, become a serious health or security
hazard in New York and this cheeky doctor may have got the mileage
he wanted by supplying Indian beef to his big boss, probably not
even Kosher beef. But that is not a worry for BM or his ilk, they
are liberals and free spirits.
The
security hazard came from home where a major embarrassment was developing
as BM enjoyed the Kebabs in Big Apple. Some militants had been arrested
after a couple of them became so encouraged they gave a TV interview
to Al-Jazeera, while sitting in the middle of the security dens
of Karachi. The interview embarrassed BM and he ordered they should
be flushed out from their known hideouts. An operation began and
soon they were in custody. Then emerged the news that they were
planning another attack on BM himself. Another assassination attempt?
A well known US journalist had recorded six and was predicting the
7th. So this was it.
But
BM and his loud speakers decided it was bad publicity so they denied
it. “There was no
attempt on my boss,” the loudest official trumpet blared.
This horn was probably delayed, as info had already reached the
State Department about the attempt and the big honcho, Arm(twisting)age
revealed it all before a Congressional Committee. Now the Pakistani
loud speaker was caught red faced. “Where is Armitage getting
his info,” he asked in the funniest question ever asked by
any official spokesman in Pakistan.
Poor
BM himself had to come to the rescue of his loud speakers when he
went to Karachi and visited two restaurants, Zamzama and Lal Qila,
known for good food, and then claimed before journalists he felt
no threat and he was moving around like an ordinary person having
some good time. Well, well, LampPost can imagine how many blocks
and how many streets were closed to ordinary traffic around these
outlets before BM arrived. And how many regular customers were allowed
in. The restaurant owners must have been having nightmares the way
their staff was security checked and their food was pre-tasted and
their regular customers were locked out. They must have lost a lot
of business, but the government exchequer and lavish tips would
have taken care of that, of course. At a Bank ceremony presided
over by BM, the security was so insane, invitees were asked to come
three hours ahead of time and wait, even not allowed to visit the
washrooms. So much for the freedom of movement.
LampPost
learnt that “denials” is the best policy strategy decided
by the BM lot. Say No, deny everything, don’t admit anything,
is the official word. Some can be fooled by this, but not all and
not always. Yet in once case even denial was not possible and these
loud speakers came up with another hilarious explanation. “Our
Boss was joking”, an Info baboo said when he was cornered
in New York about Big Chief’s slip of the tongue saying he
would appoint a new Army Chief soon. That comment went on record
and on videos and was splashed by the media. Now a denial was necessary,
which could not be done. So it was explained that he was joking.
Imagine
the country’s president, addressing the world’s elite
crowd at Harvard University, speaking about such a serious subject
as appointing a new army chief in a dictatorship where the army
chief means the most powerful person, and “joking”.
The jokers carried the joke too far, it seems.
Funny
statements are not restricted to Info jokers alone. The Interior
Minister is not far behind. Look at this gem coming from the Interior
Minister when he was asked this question: Why the government is
having the FBI/CIA cooperation if the operations against suspects
were being conducted by the Pakistani agencies?
The
answer: "We do not have the modern facilities like hotmail,
internet and sophisticated phones for which we have to rely on Americans.
But the rest of the operation is carried out by our own people."
Imagine a commando raid on armed suspects blockaded in an apartment
building and Americans were providing the facility of “Hotmail”
to arrest them.
But
the fun did not stop there. The Minister went on to say: “Terrorist
groups were using highly sophisticated methods to conduct their
operations and that Pakistan was only seeking modern technology
and other methods from foreign friends to do the job.” So
fugitive terrorists were using the most sophisticated technologies
while holed up in middle of Karachi and our Security agencies were
no match for their techniques. We needed Hotmail from the Americans.
The terrorists probably used Yahoo, or may be Google to run their
operations, Hotmail may have been prohibited for them. It is a sophisticated
war.
A delayed
reaction has come to the LampPost from Rome where, if you remember
we wrote some days back that some “Jaidi” had bought
a $10 million hotel and this Jay was related to BM. “This
so called "Jaidi" is my dear colleague, we shere the same
building and the same floor for nearly 8 hrs a day from Monday to
Friday. What you have printed on his behalf is just the bullshit
and unbelievable. And now I am under the impression you write all
this because just don't know what to write,” is what Dawood
Ghani has written in an E-Mail. The spelling mistakes and formulations
are strictly his own, without editing.
Mr
Ghani has not informed us about what business our Jay is in, what
they do 8 hours a day, Monday to Friday, where do they live, whether
this Jay is the same whose brother is the big Boss back home, if
so has not the Big Boss taken care of his brother who is in such
a mess, in Rome, doing probably what the Romans do, and most of
them steal and pick pockets, even in front of the Vatican. LampPost
will wait for his detailed response before offering a genuine apology,
if convinced that our information was wrong.
Back
in the Homeland, as every one prepares for the elections, and the
King’s Party of Triple ‘C’s, Chors (thieves),
Choudhries and Chowkidars (guards) is being pushed with God speed
to bull doze every one, a World Bank loaned official, running the
country’s State Bank has put a spanner in the official wheel,
by starting a probe against the main political group supporting
BM and his King’s Party. The Choudhries of Gujrat are the
biggest beneficiaries of the BM rule and they are poised to take
over the largest province of Punjab. But now the State Bank has
issued an order to probe whether these Choudhries are bank defaulters
and if so, could they be disqualified from the electoral contest,
as many others have been.
LampPost
learns that the head honcho of the State Bank is sitting pretty
and safely in his Washington DC home but his order has created a
panic. Whether the Choudhries are treated like all other so-called
corrupt politicians is not yet known but their reputation precedes
them wherever they go. Only BM and his junta has not yet heard of
what they had been doing in the past, although BM’s government
has been paying cheques to the victims of the multi-billion rupee
Cooperatives scandal of Nawaz Sharif years. LampPost fears this
State Bank guy may soon be returning to his DC home permanently.
Finally
a fly on the wall in the New York Hotel where the official BM party
stayed told the LampPost there was a big discussion in one room
over some pictures taken by the Military Intelligence during the
Nawaz Sharif regime. These pictures showed our then PM with some
beauties. The counter argument in this discussion was whether the
spooks controlled by Sharif, the Eye Bee people, had done the same
thing with the chief of the army staff, our BM. The fly was of the
opinion that this war of pictures had actually erupted into the
war of hating each other and finally hitting at each other. God
only knows the truth but a picture, if there, speaks more than a
thousand words, as the saying goes.
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